


==> Be the King

by Heir of Hope (ColorsofaYinYang)



Series: HaikyuuStuck [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homestuck Fusion, Dialogue Heavy, Humor, M/M, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 15:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15488790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorsofaYinYang/pseuds/Heir%20of%20Hope
Summary: You are now Kageyama Tobio. You decide to list all the information you know about this game in an attempt to understand what the actual hell is going on:1) A meteor just blew up your friend's neighborhood.2) The fires caused by other meteors are surrounding your house right now.3) Your wifi sucks.4) Your client player is an IDIOT.





	==> Be the King

**Author's Note:**

> The colored text looks best on a white background! 
> 
> Reading the rest of the series first would be a good investment of time! At least to get a more solid understanding of the strange changes I've made to the plot.
> 
> Universe Report #4: Natsu does not exist, or at least not as Shouyou's younger sister. She'll show up later. Much later.

Kageyama peers out the window. It's a surprisingly cool summer day, most likely due to the shade the forest outside provides. He notes the prescence of a car in the driveway: looks like Father never left for work. This is a good inference, especially since it's not a weekday and his Father is a teacher. Around half an hour ago, another car had come to pick Father up, and it drove off into the distance. Apparently that was Hinata's Dad. Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about fighting him anymore.

Heir: Lament the lost opportunity to use the term "auto-parent".

Stop breaking the fourth wall, numbskull! 

His wifi has been struggling lately, after an incident involving a volleyball and his router. Namely, him serving a volleyball into the router and cracking the outside. This isn't just a problem, this a first world catastrophe. He grits his teeth and sighs. Guess it's time to find a better signal. He stands and takes inventory of his room, scanning for any potentially useful items. 

Similar to Hinata, his room features a number of volleyballs (although they are neatly piled in the corner instead of scattered across the ground). His Nerf brand bow and arrows are propped up against a wall with a large target on it. He enjoys archery as a way to practice the accuracy of his tosses. It's also not a bad hobby to boast about. The other walls of his room have an assortment of "got milk?" posters. He just... really enjoys drinking milk, okay? There's also a small desk, on which sits a few small figurines: a cow, a mouse, and a dragon. A blue box sits on his bed, the contents of which he will not think about just yet. He will cross that bridge when he gets to it. 

Since his Strife Specibus is already set to Bowkind, he allocates his Nerf Bow and Arrows to it. He also captchalogues the cow and mouse figurines (the dragon one gives him the creeps, so he leaves it), as well as a volleyball and his laptop. Might as well be prepared for anything. His Target fetch modus is a bit extreme, but with his genius precision everything should be fine. 

He steps outside into the hall. There are bookshelves all along the walls, housing his Father's Japanese literature collection. Or at least, part of it. The whole house smells a bit of dusty paper because of it. He sighs and continues down the hall to the observatory, where hopefully he can get a better signal. 

He really hopes Hinata's still alive. 

There's a couple photographs of him and his Father framed on the wall. He only spares them a glance before (carefully) making his way up the stairs to the observatory. He's been warned about stairs. 

The inside of the observatory is glowing orange-red when he enters. Well, shit. Looks like all those meteors that have landed nearby have started up a forest fire. Great. The fires are still sort of far away, but they are burning strong enough to serve as a light source. He'd better have someone connect to him, and fast. A floating target with a picture of his laptop appears on the far side of the room, and he pulls out his bow to fire a single arrow into it. It hits the bullseye. Never doubted himself for a second. His laptop drops out of its card and clatters onto the floor. He opens it up and connects to another signal from a nearby factory. 

Thank god. Looks like Hinata's still alive. His Father and Hinata's Dad are nowhere to be seen, however. The orange-haired idiot is scrambling through the house like a lunatic. Looks like the kernelsprite has changed shape, too. Now it has a weird tail and has grown one small leathery wing. Harsh sunlight is pouring through the windows, blindingly white and blocking him from seeing too much outside the house. Hmm... 

\-- adamantTosser [AT] began pestering tinyGiant [TG] at 17:42 -- 

AT: Hinata  
AT: Idiot answer me  
TG: im not dead!!!!!!!!!!  
AT: I know  
AT: I can see u running around all over the place on my screen  
TG: sorry i was looking for my dad.  
TG: and i guess by extention ur dad.  
TG: can u see them?  
AT: No  
AT: I think theres more important things to worry about rn  
TG: do u know where i am?  
AT: Not really  
AT: It looks like u were saved from the meteor though  
AT: We should probably get more grist somehow, then we can do more of this alchemy stuff  
TG: ok!  
TG: hey kageyama...  
AT: Yeah?  
TG: u never wished me happy birthday!  
AT: ...  
AT: I was working on something for u  
AT: Its taking longer than i expected  
AT: I mean  
AT: Just saying happy birthday isnt really that personal  
AT: I MEAN  
AT: Words shouldnt be the only thing u get on ur birthday, right?  
TG: you realize id be happy with anything u gave me.  
TG: even if it was just a simple happy birthday!  
AT: Oh  
AT: Well um  
AT: Happy birthday hinata  
TG: thank u!!!!!!!!!!  


Hinata waves onscreen. Kageyama wills the blush on his face to go away and thinks about the blue box in his room. He should probably have mailed that BEFORE Hinata's house got moved to some weird blindingly bright world. Whatever, he'll deal with the consequences of his cowardice later. 

AT: Hey lets try to prototype the kernelsprite again  
AT: See if that does anything  
AT: Walk faster, my house is going to be on fire soon  
TG: what?  
AT: Ill explain later, just go  
TG: ok ok  


He watches as Hinata goes into the kitchen, where the sprite is hovering and making a rumbling sound. It watches him warily as he approaches. 

TG: i dont think itll let me get close enough  
TG: ill distract it, u drop something into it  


Hm... what is available? There's a carton of milk in the fridge, so he picks it up and chases the sprite with it. Hinata's trying to distract it by waving his arms and making loud noises. When he spots the milk he stops and whips out his phone. 

TG: ur going to use THAT?  
AT: Whats the problem  
TG: i know u have a fetish for milk but dont push that onto me!  
AT: Its not a fetish  
AT: I just like milk  
AT: Im sure theres other people who feel the same  
TG: ugh whatever.  
TG: just find something else.  


Fine. Hinata can be such a dumbass sometimes. He's a disagreeable dumbass who's always clumsy and really stubborn and kind of pretty and very passionate about volleyball... 

Shut up, mind! No time for this now! What else does he have lying around? Kageyama scrolls through the house looking for something a bit more suited to Hinata's tastes. 

AT: How about this?  
TG: uwahhh!  
TG: ur going to use that?  
TG: now thats a huge upgrade!  
AT: Pipe down  
AT: Try to distract it again  


Kageyama watches despairingly as Hinata once again jumps around randomly. He tries to catch the sprite with the Tiny Giant poster he found in Hinata's bedroom, but to no avail. The sprite rounds the corner and a loud thumping sound is heard. He can't see it from the way the graphics are angled. Also, the light is a little too bright, and it's reflecting off his laptop screen. 

Wait. The light...? Come to think of it, it IS getting kind of hot in here... 

TG: aw, where did it go?  
AT: I cant see it   
AT: Just forget it  
AT: U need the other disc soon  
AT: Before my house burns down  
TG: are u alright?  
AT: I wont be if u dont get with the program  
TG: but i dont have another disc!  
TG: i think maybe the mailman misdelivered it or something...  
TG: i hope whoever got it is happy. :'(  
AT: Well shit  
AT: Guess i have to ask HIM  
TG: wait i think hes messaging me actually.  
TG: im going to start a chat.  
AT: Pls dont  


\-- tauntinglyTall [TT] began pestering tinyGiant [TG] at 17:58 -- 

\-- tinyGiant [TG] added adamantTosser [AT] to the chat -- 

TT: Did you hear about the new species of dinosaur scientists recently discovered?  
TG: nows really not the time.  
TT: I'm sure this is much more interesting than whatever asinine thing you're doing right now.  
TG: its like u dont even believe that i was about to die.  
TG: im serious about this u know.  
TT: And this applies to me how?  
TG: i hate u.  
TT: Halszkaraptor is a dromaeosaurid dinosaur from Mongolia well known for being duck-like in stature.  
TG: stop.  
TG: im leaving.  
AT: Dont leave me alone with him  
TT: It lived in the late Cretaceous period, and had a semi-aquatic lifestyle. As a newly discovered species not much is known about it, although the fossil was discovered in a layer of orange sandstone about seventy-five million years old. The rock contains a relatively complete skeleton with a long neck and snout similar to a duck bill. With its long fingers the Halszkaraptor is implied to have had webbing in order to swim as well as strong hind legs to propel itself through the water.  
TG: so ur saying they found a duck dinosaur.  
TT: In simple terms, yes.  
TG: ...thats actually pretty cool.  


Kageyama groans and facepalms. 

AT: Can we get back to the matter at hand pls  
TT: And what matter would that be, exactly?  
TG: oh right!  
TG: take this!  


\-- tinyGiant [TG] renamed the chat "Help us u asshole" -- 

TT: That clarifies nothing whatsoever.  
TG: basically kageyamas house is going to burn down if u dont connect to him to get him out of there.  
TG: so u really need to do us a favor and play this game!  
TT: Ugh. Can't I just send one of my birds over with my extra disc?  
AT: Unless theyre skilled in interdimentional travel, then no  
TT: It's "interdimensional".  
TT: And fine, I guess I'll help. Should I draw Yamaguchi into this as well? It seems like you need all the help you can get.  
TG: sure! and yachi too! that way we can all help one another!  


\-- tauntinglyTall [TT] added trueCompanion [TC] and uncertainAnxiety [UA] to "Help us u asshole" -- 

TC: (-^u^-) hi Tsukki! ~  
TC: why is the chat named "Help us u asshole"?? ~   
TG: shenanigans.  
UA: u-um, hello everyone!  
UA: H-Hinata, did you figure out the sburb stuff?  
TG: yeah!  
TG: oh hey, did u get the game yet?  
UA: n-no, I think my mom is hiding them somewhere  
TG: aw thats too bad, we could have just left tsukishima out.  
TC: um Hinata, what's going on? ~  
TG: kageyama how are u holding up?  
AT: Im going to move locations soon, its kind of heating up in here  
AT: Just get the game running soon tsukishima  
TG: ok cool. then,  
TG: ill give u guys a rundown of whats happened.  


Kageyama closes his laptop to save his batteries and glances out the large windows. The fires are burning bright and closer than ever. He captchalogues the laptop and makes his way back down the stairs. The air smells slightly smokey, and not in the grilling-steak kind of way. However, he is thirsty, and there is no scenario too extreme for him to not be distracted by the most tantalizing of beverages. He heads to the kitchen and spends a good minute and a half just relaxing and drinking a can of milk. He doesn't care what you think, this was a wonderful use of his time. 

The house shakes. Either Tsukishima has finally got his ass into gear, or a tree has fallen on the roof and is now burning the house from the top down. He sincerely hopes it's the former. There's another shaking, and then a third. It must be Tsukishima. Well. 

Time to get shit done.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of these fetch modi I picked up off the list of fan-made ones, for example the Target one (I made the volleyball one myself though lol). Thank you to everyone who made that list, you're lifesavers.


End file.
